


I Can't Breathe Without You (But I Have To)

by BabyyCakess



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 9,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyyCakess/pseuds/BabyyCakess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared were the perfect couple but Jensen makes a mistake that costs him everything. Can he win back the love of his life and make things right again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Can't Breathe Without You (But I Have To)

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. THIS IS ANGSTY.  
> 2\. (this is probably pathetic and pointless but I'll explain: I looked at my ex's fb page and got ridiculously sad. I wrote this to feel better??)  
> 3\. Jensen is kind of an asshole in this but gets better??  
> 4\. Title is from a Taylor Swift song (Breathe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking at your ex-boyfriend's Facebook page is never a good idea. Especially if you're still in love with him and he's moved on.

It's been four months. 

Four months that Jared has been alone. 

The apartment still feels empty and sometimes when he's grocery shopping, he'll buy Jensen's favorite cereal, Apple Jacks, out of habit.

It's been four months.

Sometimes it feels like no time has passed at all, memories fresh in his mind; the sound of Jensen's laughter is still his favorite lullaby and the exact color of Jensen's eyes in the sunlight seemingly forever embedded in Jared's brain.

It's been four months and Jared is still hopelessly in love.

*

"I've met someone."

It's a simple statement and Jared stares in horror. Open-mouthed, wide-eyed; the world could stop spinning and Jared wouldn't notice. Wouldn't care.

"Who?" 

There are more questions but he can't find his voice to ask anything else.

No answer would ever be good enough. 

"Don't do this, Jay..." is all that's said.

Jared stays silent only because he feels like he can't get enough air into his lungs to scream.

The back of his eyes sting but no tears fall. 

"Jen--"

"It's over, Jared."

It feels like the end of the world. 

It's not. 

Sunday morning comes quick.

*  
It's been two months. 

The glare of the laptop is the only light in the room and Jared blinks, trying to adjust his eyes to the blue and white webpage.

'Jensen Ackles' is typed into the search bar.

The page loads faster than expected. 

There is an option to 'Add Friend' but Jared laughs bitterly at the thought, scrolls past it. 

Jensen's profile picture is lovely. 

He's surrounded by sunshine, his smile is so wide his eyes crinkle at the corners. He's wearing a one-of-a-kind band tee that Jared bought him for Christmas two years ago. 

Jared laughs but it turns into a choked sob. He angrily wipes away his tears.

Three years together and still it was so easy to leave Jared behind.

He reads through the information for the thousandth time.

Jensen lives in Los Angeles, California.

From Richardson, Texas. 

Works at Starbucks.

In a Relationship with Christian Kane.

Jared curses; his eyes are filled with tears and his vision is so blurry he can't see. 

He clicks on the link to Christian Kane's page, against his better judgement. 

He already hurts; could it really get any worse?

It could.

*

Jensen's photos are private.

Since Jensen and Jared are no longer friends on Facebook, Jared can't see them. 

Christian Kane's photos are public. 

His whole page is public. 

Jared reads that Christian Kane lives in Los Angeles, California. 

He giggles maniacally because he already knew that much.

Jensen and Christian moved there together; left behind their lives and chased after big dreams in a city of smog-filled air.

How fucking romantic.

Christian Kane is from Dallas, Texas.

Christian Kane works at 'Being a Musician'.

Christian Kane is in a relationship with Jensen Ackles.

Jared clicks on an album, quickly clicking through the photos of Christian Kane; he's handsome.

Big blue eyes and long hair, face covered in stubble. He's got a cowboy hat on in most photos.

He's the type of guy Jensen's always liked. 

Christian Kane is nothing like Jared, who has floppy bangs and gangly limbs. 

Jared laughs as he clicks through more photos. 

29 photos of Christian Kane later, Jared stops, finger hovering over the right arrow key. 

This photo is different. 

Christian Kane and Jensen Ackles gazing at each other; so obviously in love. 

Jared swallows hard, tastes bile in the back of his throat. 

He presses the right arrow key. Next picture. Worse.

They're kissing. The sunset is in the background, disgustingly beautiful. Their lips are pressed together, eyes closed in bliss.

He looks at the caption. 

'I love you'

Jared sobs.

*  
Jensen Ackles and Christian Kane both sing, play guitar, and love action movies.

It makes so much sense. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. 

Jared lies to himself, babbles mindlessly to an empty room.

"I'm happy for him. He deserves this. I love him and if you love someone, you have to let them go. I'm happy for him, I am."

He stares at the next picture, Jensen and Christian cuddling close together on a boat in the middle of the ocean. 

Jared's never been a good liar.

*

It's been seven months.

Jared's stopped buying Apple Jacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the sads :(((


	2. Turn Around and Make it Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's got a new life. It's nothing like he thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this part is in Jensen's POV  
> chapter title is from Taylor Swift's song Back to December

It's funny how one decision can change your entire life. 

Jensen knows this better than anyone.

If you had asked him a year ago if he was happy, he would've said 'yes'. No doubt whatsoever. 

He had a nice apartment and a great boyfriend and a job that was tolerable at best.

Ask him if he's happy today and he'll laugh in your face.

One mistake can change your entire life.

Jensen knows this better than anyone.

*

The story his Facebook tells is one where he's in a happy relationship, living it up in LA.

Facebook is a liar.

Jensen's been working long hours as a barista at Starbucks while his unemployed 'musician' boyfriend spends their rent money on weed, beer and guitar picks.

Christian Kane had seemed like a knight-in-shining-armor; it only took a few weeks of going out for drinks together and talking about music for Jensen to become enamored. Christian had offered him an escape from his safe, boring life.

"You hate it here. There's obviously nothing worth staying for...come with me to LA."

He's been with Chris for 8 months now.

Jensen misses his safe, boring life.

Jensen misses Jared.

*

It's been 4 months.

Chris is out with friends for the night when Jensen gives in to temptation. 

Facebook tells him that Jared is still living in Dallas, Texas. 

Jensen wonders if he kept the apartment they shared? Their furniture? Does Jared still sleep in the bed they made love in? 

It's selfish for him to hope so.

Jared still works in the Tech Department at some big-name company.

Jensen breathes out a sigh of relief.

Jared Padalecki is Single.

*

Clicking through Jared's new pictures is more painful than Jensen imagined it would be. 

Jared's bangs still hang in his eyes and Jensen remembers when he used to brush them away, cup his cheeks and kiss him breathless.

"You've got the prettiest eyes," he'd utter, in complete awe of how the color could change in the span of a single second.

"If you say so," Jared would always reply.

Jared's smile is different in his new pictures though.

Jensen remembers deep dimples carved into smooth cheeks; remembers being captivated by the curve of those pretty pink lips.

The smile he sees now is only a shell of what it used to be. 

* 

It's been 7 months.

Jensen checks Jared's Facebook every day, desperate for a new picture, a status update, anything.

Jared only posts about once every few weeks and Jensen feels like a drug addict needing a fix but it doesn't stop him from obsessively refreshing Jared's Facebook page.

It's Saturday night and Jensen's heart races when he sees a new picture on Jared Padalecki's Wall. 

Jared Padalecki was tagged by Genevieve Cortese. At Brady's Bar and Grill.

In the picture, he's laughing; head thrown back, eyes closed. 

He's beautiful.

He's laughing loud and uninhibited, the full-body laugh that Jensen used to hate.

Jensen stares at the picture for a long time.

He absently rubs at his chest, trying to soothe the ache.

It doesn't work.

*

It's been 8 months and Jensen decides it's time to make things right.

It's time to be happy again.

*

"I can't do this anymore, Chris," Jensen finally says one day.

He and Chris barely speak to each other. The only exception is when they argue.

"What the fuck, Jensen?"

Always Jensen. Never Jen. 

He never thought he'd miss something as simple as a nickname but god, he does.

He misses everything.

"It's over."

"Why?" 

Jensen groans, agitated. 

"Because this was a mistake! Throwing my life away for some guy I'd just met was a _mistake_!" He takes a deep breath. "Honestly, I wish I'd never met you."

Chris throws his beer bottle against the wall. 

Amber liquid drips down. 

"Fuck you, Jensen. _You_ chose this. _You_ chose me. No one forced you. _You_ made the decision to come with me and leave your shitty life behind."

Jensen nods. 

"Yeah. I know." A pause. "But I'm gonna fix it."

Chris clenches his fists.

"You think he's gonna take you back?" Chris laughs. "You fucked him over; you really think he's just gonna forgive you, welcome you back with open arms?"

Jensen doesn't bother to answer; just starts packing his bags.

"I don't give a shit. I never loved you anyway," Chris snarls.

"I never loved you either," Jensen replies.

The sad part is, it's true. 

Jensen and Chris never loved each other.

Jensen left behind something worth staying for.

*

He buys a plane ticket to Dallas, Texas.

The ache in his chest finally dulls a bit as he boards the plane.

For the first time in a long time, he feels hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me smile <3


	3. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the POV switches sometimes, I hope it's easy enough to understand??  
> also my chapter titles suck, i'm sorry :(((

"Jensen and Christian broke up. He's moving back to Dallas."

He hears it from Genevieve. 

She's always been a mutual friend but he'd explicitly told her he didn't want to hear anything about Jensen.

It had taken him months to finally stop looking at Jensen and Chris' Facebook and try to move on with his life.

This is an exception though. He knows she's only telling him as a warning. Better he finds out now than on his own, bumping into Jensen around town.

Jared feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest.

Jensen's coming back. 

After 8 months of being alone and learning how to finally fall asleep by himself in the bed they shared, he's coming back.

Jared logically knows that Jensen is only coming back because his whole life was here; friends, family, job, everything.

But the hopeless romantic in him, the part that watches romantic comedies and believes in love conquering all, that part wishes that Jensen was coming back for him. 

To win him back and declare his undying love.

Truth is, that's just not who Jensen is. 

He's always been the silent type, showing affection by small actions rather than cheesy words and grand gestures.

Jensen hates "chick flick moments".

*

Jensen's flight finally lands and he quickly finds his luggage.

Donna Ackles stands, arms held open wide for a hug.

Jensen drops his bag and melts into her embrace. 

He hasn't felt loved in so long.

*

Donna is driving, easily making her way through the deserted streets of small-town Texas.

Jensen sits in the passenger seat, silent.

"I'm glad you're back," she finally says.

"Me too," he agrees.

*

Jensen is staying with his Mom until he can figure something else out.

He feels pathetic; 28 years old, living back at home with his mother, unemployed and broke.

A year ago, he had everything.

He'll never take that sort of happiness for granted again.

*

The morning sun shines bright in the Texas sky.

Jensen showers, brushes his teeth, gels his hair; he puts on his best jeans and an old green tee that Jared used to love on him.

He's too nervous to eat. His stomach is in knots and his palms are damp.

Donna hugs him, whispers "Good luck." 

God knows he needs it.

*

Jared answers the door in his ratty old sweatpants, shirtless. 

It's 9am on a Sunday.

What cruel person would knock so incessantly on a Sunday morning?

Jared rubs groggily at his eyes as the door swings open.

Jared stumbles back. His jaw drops, eyes widen.

"Jensen?" 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are loved <3


	4. If This Was a Movie (You'd Be Here By Now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from the Taylor Swift song

"Hey, Jay," Jensen says with a crooked smile.

Jared isn't even surprised to find that he still melts in the presence of that smile and those green eyes as Jensen fidgets awkwardly in the doorway. 

He must be dreaming.

Jensen would never come back for him. 

Why _would_ he come back for Jared, who is clumsy, who laughs too loud and loves too much. 

Jensen looks amazing, as always. He's wearing the green shirt that brings out his eyes and his best jeans. His hair is artfully gelled into spikes. He's got dark circles under his eyes but they've both always been the type to stay up late even when they have an early morning, so that's normal.

"W-what are you doing here?" Jared asks when he finally finds his voice.

"I missed you," Jensen says, eyes big and pleading.

This is everything that Jared has wanted for 8 months so why does he feel sick to his stomach?

The world is spinning wildly out of control.

Jensen is here.

*

Jensen rushes forward to catch Jared, who is swaying slightly on his feet. 

The first touch feels like fire, consuming him and burning him up from the inside out.

He's missed this giant dork more than words can ever say.

"Jare, I got you," he mutters, arms around Jared and walking him towards the couch.

The black leather couch that Jensen remembers all too well; many nights spent cuddled up watching TV and kissing til their lips went numb.

A pang of longing hits him hard and for the millionth time he wishes he could turn back time, go back to before he'd ruined his own life.

Jared's eyes are still open wide like he's just seen God. He's sitting on the couch, just staring at Jensen.

Jensen reaches his hand out, runs his thumb along Jared's cheek, his jaw; Jared is frozen.

When Jensen leans forward to kiss the soft pink lips he's been dreaming of, Jared jumps back, startled into action.

"W-what are you doing?" he asks, batting Jensen's hand away.

"I'm sorry. I just--I got carried away. It's been so long."

Jared narrows his eyes.

"What kind of game are you playing here, Jensen?"

"No games!" Jensen promises.

Jared's voice breaks. 

"W-w-why are you e-even here? Why couldn't you just leave me alone? I was d-doing fine."

"Baby," Jensen breathes. "I'm sor--"

"N-no! Shut up!"

Tears are falling down Jared's cheeks and Jensen would give anything to brush them away and kiss Jared til he can't think but that's just not an option right now.

"I'm so sorry," Jensen whispers. "I'm sorry. I screwed up. I know that. But I had to leave."

Jared sobs and Jensen closes his eyes, wishes he could block out the sound of such anguish.

"I had to leave and figure things out for myself. We were together for so long and I think I just got...bored. I was so content with the way my life was and I thought that maybe I had missed out on something but I didn't. You're all I want. Cuddling on the couch and making dinner together and grocery shopping on Saturday mornings. That's what I want. And I want it with you."

Jared wipes at his red eyes but the tears don't stop falling.

"How dare you do this to me?" he sobs. "I  _just_ stopped buying Apple Jacks."

Jensen lets out a sad little laugh.

"I'm so sorry." 

He feels like a broken record but he can't say it enough. 

"I can't, Jensen. I can't. I can't let you back in only for you to leave again the next time you meet someone better. _I can't go through that again_."

A pause.

"I think you should leave."

Jensen nods, defeated for the time being.

*

Sitting alone in his mother's beat up Toyota, Jensen bangs his head against the steering wheel.

The tears don't stop for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be more! the next update won't be until Saturday night though <3  
> and never fear~ I have a weakness for happy endings <3


	5. Meddling Moms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna has enough love to go around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's just pretend facebook is as cool as I make it sound in this fic <3 jk lolol

Jensen walks through the door and is immediately bombarded by his sometimes overbearing but always lovable mother, Donna.

His red-rimmed eyes and runny nose must clue her in that things didn't go well with Jared.

"Oh, Jensen," she coos, pulling him into a tight hug.

He sags into her embrace, comforted by the familiar scent of her perfume.

"Mom..."

She reluctantly lets him go.

"I screwed up so bad," Jensen says, his Texas accent thick.

She nods. 

"I know, honey. But things will work out, you'll see."

Jensen rubs his temples. 

His head hurts and there's an ache in his chest that won't go away.

"I love him so much and I fucked it all up," he sobs.

Donna pats his back and doesn't even chastise him for his language.

There's a few moments of silence as Jensen wipes his eyes and pulls himself together.

"Jensen," she starts.

He looks at her with his wet eyes, full of regret.

She pauses, racking her brain for words of wisdom.

There used to be a time when she could kiss his boo-boos and everything would be better. It's difficult to see her son in so much pain and have no way to soothe him. But she knows wounds like this are much deeper than when Jensen fell off his bike as a boy.

This is something she's never dealt with before.

And Donna knows that even though Jensen may be in pain, he also caused unnecessary pain. 

 _If you love him, maybe you should let him go_ , she thinks to herself.

"I'll go make some coffee," she says aloud. 

*

Jared was used to being alone.

He was an only child and his parents died when he was only 18, freshly graduated from high school and headed to college. 

He's got a few close friends and a pet goldfish.

Jensen was more than just his boyfriend. He was his  _best_ friend, his roommate, his confidante. Jensen was everything.

Donna Ackles was a second mother to him; she invited Jared to holiday dinners, called Jensen and Jared at least once a month and at one time they were even Facebook friends involved in a never-ending poke war.

When Jensen left for LA, Donna disappeared from Jared's life, too.

Blocked on Facebook, no more phone calls, and no explanation as to why. She was just gone.

That's why Jared is shocked to see Donna Ackles standing outside his door at 8pm on a Sunday night.

*

"Jared," she says, forcing a smile.

He stands there with the door swung open, speechless.

A voice in the back of his mind is yelling at him that his cereal is getting soggy and Keeping Up With the Kardashians is still loudly playing on the TV. 

He can't breathe.

He fumbles with the remote til he finds the mute button.

"May I come in?" she asks.

Her voice is soft and he can tell from her shaky smile that she's nervous.

"Yeah, sorry," he mumbles, moving aside to let her in.

The sound of the door closing sounds so loud in the now silent apartment.

She smooths a hand over her blouse.

Jared clears his throat.

"Is there a reason you're here?"

"Jensen came by earlier," she replies.

"Yeah, he did."

"I'm so sorry, Jared," her voice trembles but she continues. "I never agreed with what he did, the way he left...I was so ashamed. _I didn't know what to say to you_ \--"

"So you didn't say anything," Jared finishes. "You cut me out of your life. I understand. Jensen is your son. I'm nothing to you."

He doesn't mean for the bitterness to seep into his words but he can't help it. He's been surprised twice today by the Ackles' and he's way past his breaking point.

Donna's eyes are watery and Jared feels a pang of regret.

"Jared, that's not true," she insists.

Jared huffs out a laugh.

"I thought Jensen was going to marry you. I wanted him to marry you!"

"Me too," Jared chokes. 

Donna's got streaks of mascara dripping down her cheeks. 

Jared grabs the Kleenex from the counter and hands it to her.

"You're like a son to me, Jay," she says, wiping her eyes.

"Don't," Jared sobs.

"I'm so sorry," she repeats.

She takes a tentative step forward, letting out a sigh of relief when Jared pulls her into a hug and squeezes her tightly.

"I missed you, sweetie," she murmurs.

"I missed you too, Mama Ackles."

*

"I promise I'll keep in contact," she says as she leaves.

Jared runs a hand through his hair and looks sadly at his soggy cereal.

Things just got a lot more complicated.

*

When he logs onto Facebook the next day, he's got two friend requests.

One from Donna Ackles.

And one from Jensen.

*

When Jensen checks Facebook on Tuesday, his eyes widen and he chokes on his coffee.

Donna Ackles is now friends with Jared Padalecki.

His friend request to Jared Padalecki was denied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me smile <3
> 
> also i want to clarify that Donna loves her son but understands that he makes mistakes and I hope it seems realistic that Donna can love her son but not love the choices he's made and that she still loves Jared and yeah <3


	6. I Won't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen isn't going anywhere. Jared feels his resolve crumbling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jensen is obviously being very cheesy and grasping at straws but it's endearing so shhhh. <3

Jared stares, stunned. 

There are three dozen red roses sitting innocently outside of his apartment.

He cautiously walks toward them, picks up the card.

_Hope you had a wonderful day._

_Love,_

_JA_

"Goddammit," he grumbles.

*

Jared walks into his apartment and sets the flowers down on the counter, stripping out of his work shirt as he heads towards the bathroom to shower.

 _3 New Messages_ flashes obnoxiously, catching Jared's eye.

Jared presses the play button on the answering machine.

Jensen's thick Texas accent floats around the silent room and Jared freezes.

"I know I messed up but I'm gonna make things right. Call me, text me, send me a message on Facebook...anything. Please. Talk to me."

_End of message._

"I hope you like the flowers." There's a lengthy pause. "Have dinner with me. You pick a day, a restaurant, anything you want. Just give me a chance, please."

_End of message._

"I'm not giving up, Jay."

_No new messages._

*

A few days later, Jared is sprawled on the couch, freshly showered and ready to unwind with trashy reality TV after a long day at work.

The whole apartment still smells like roses and Jared tries to contain his smile every time he breathes in the strong scent or sees a flash of red out of the corner of his eye.

There's a knock at the door.

"For fuck's sake," Jared groans.

He opens the door, slightly agitated.

No one is there but on the floor sits a basket filled to the brim.

He picks it up and takes it inside, examining the contents.

There's a little note.

_Jare,_

_Enjoy all of your favorite things. You deserve to be spoiled._

_All my love,_

_JA_

Jared bites his lip, shaking his head.

The basket is filled with Jared's favorite candies, chips, and even a big bottle of red Gatorade.

A memory hits him like a Mack truck.

*

_"This is the best Gatorade flavor ever made, no doubt about it," Jared says._

_Jensen is staring at his mouth, breathing heavily; the urge to kiss Jared is overwhelming._

_"Babe," he purrs._

_"What?" Jared cocks his head to the side._

_"Your lips are really red right now," Jensen murmurs, eyes glued to Jared's mouth._

_Jared laughs, puckering his lips exaggeratedly._

_All laughter ceases when Jensen pulls him close and kisses him breathless, chasing the taste of red Gatorade out of Jared's mouth._

_Jensen agrees._

_Red Gatorade is the best._

_*_

At the bottom of the basket, there's a CD.

It's a mix CD filled with Jared's favorite songs; they're mostly love songs because Jared's a cheesy fucker like that.

Jared puts it in the CD player, turns the volume as loud as it will go.

The first song is 'More Than A Love Song' by Augustana. It's their song. Jensen used to sing this song just for Jared. This song makes Jared's heart melt and his knees weak. 

If he sings along to every word with tears running down his cheeks, no one's around to see.

There's a note tucked inside the CD case.

_'I love you. More than a love song can say.'_

*

Friday night, Genevieve calls Jared, cancelling their plans to go out.

Jared sighs, slightly disappointed but decides to settle in for a cozy night of watching romantic comedies and eating Ben and Jerry's straight out of the carton. 

The phone rings halfway through The Notebook and Jared wipes at his watery eyes.

"Hello," he mumbles.

_"Hey, you."_

"Jensen..."

_"I want to see you. Please."_

"You won't give up, will you?"

_"You know I won't."_

Jared sighs.

_"Please, Jare."_

There's a pause. 

Finally, Jared speaks.

"One date. Tomorrow night. 8 o'clock. Gianni's Pizzeria. Don't be late."

He hangs up before he can hear Jensen's response.

*

"FUCK! YES!" Jensen exclaims.

Donna shakes her head.

"Language."

"I have a date. I have a date with Jared _tomorrow night_ ," he babbles excitedly. He's smiling so wide his eyes are crinkling at the corners.

Donna's eyes widen in surprise and her heart beat speeds up.

"I'm happy for you," she says with a small smile.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly recommend listening to 'More than a Love Song' by Augustana, it's a gr8 song <3
> 
> comments make me smile <3


	7. Love is a Verb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheesy title because I love that song by John Mayer <333

Jared is seated on one side of the booth, Jensen on the other. 

It feels like there's miles between them instead of just the table.

The silence is awkward and uncomfortable.

Jared chews on his straw and Jensen fiddles with the collar of his blue button-down.

"You still love pepperoni and mushroom?" Jensen asks.

Jared nods as he continues chewing on his straw.

"How's work been?" 

"Same old shit," Jared replies.

Jensen frowns.

"Jare--"

Jared sets his glass down. His straw is mangled.

"Jensen, I really don't know what you expected."

"I wanted--"

Jared cuts him off.

"It was nice of you to send me flowers and it's great that you remember our song and all of my favorite snacks. But that doesn't fix anything. You still cheated on me. You left. I don't trust you. So what are we doing here?" 

"I want to fix this," Jensen says; his eyes are wide and so green.

Jared looks at the tabletop, at the condensation on his glass, anywhere but at Jensen.

"I really don't think that's possible, Jen."

 _God,_ it's been so long since Jensen's been called that and he almost cries with how wonderful it sounds coming from Jared's mouth.

"We can," Jensen protests.

Jared bites his lip and squeezes his eyes closed, shakes his head.

"Jay, we can. Anything you need me to do, I'll do it."

"It's not that  _simple_ ," Jared insists.

Jensen hides his trembling hands underneath the table.

"I don't  _trust_  you, Jensen. Relationships are built on trust."

"I'll earn your trust. I'll do _anything_ , Jay. _Anything._ "

"That's not how it works," Jared sighs.

"We can be friends. Like before. We used to be best friends. We can be that way again. _We can_."

Jared rubs his temples.

"You make it sound so easy."

Jensen laughs. 

"You make it sound so hard," he counters.

"It will be," Jared says.

Jensen takes a deep breath.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promises.

*

Between the two of them, the pizza is finished quickly.

Jared licks a dollop of ranch from his finger and Jensen stares, transfixed.

"The new Spiderman movie is coming out soon. Wanna go see it?" Jared asks; extending an olive branch.

Jensen's breath catches in his throat.

"Yeah. Yes. Definitely," he finally says.

Jared smiles softly.

"I'm not--I can't promise you anything. Just...slow. Really slow. Friends. Just be my friend, Jen. That's all I can give you right now."

Jensen beams.

"Thank you, Jay."

"I should probably go," he says, sucking his straw in his mouth to get the last sip.

Jensen nods, unblinking as he stares at Jared.

"I have an early day at work tomorrow. There was this system glitch so now I have to fix everyone's computers and it's just--it's a mess," Jared babbles.

"Was Chad on bustyasianbeauties.com again?" Jensen jokes.

Jared barks out a laugh.

"Who knows with Chad?"

Jared reaches for his wallet but Jensen protests.

"I got this!" 

He pulls out his own wallet and sets money down on the table.

*

Jared starts walking toward his car but Jensen grabs his hand to stop him.

"I just--I wanted to say thank you." Jensen starts, staring into Jared's eyes.

"For what?" Jared asks.

"For trying. I know that I've made mistakes, Jare. I know I hurt you. I regret it every single day of my life. I never loved Chris. I didn't. I don't know if that makes it better or worse but what I felt for him was nothing like what I feel for you. I just need you to know that I love you. So fucking much. I messed up, I know I did. And I missed you every goddamn day I was gone. But I'm back now and I'm never gonna let you go again. I'm not the same asshole who left you; I don't know who that was but he's gone. I'm different. And I'm gonna prove it to you."

Jared can only nod, tears swimming in his eyes.

It's not much but it's enough.

It's a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible and make Jensen work to get Jared back because obviously this is not an easy thing to get past.
> 
> comments make my day 5000x better


	8. Enchanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief ~Jared at work~ interlude.
> 
> Jared only has eyes for Jensen. Chad is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from the Taylor Swift song because I was listening to that as I wrote this chapter

Chad's cheeks are stuffed, mouth full of a chocolate donut he'd unceremoniously shoved in his mouth upon seeing there was only one left. 

Jared sighs, reaching for a bottle of water in the break-room fridge. 

Chad makes some unintelligible noises and Jared cocks his head.

"Chew, swallow, then speak, please," Jared encourages.

Chad is probably the weirdest person Jared's ever met; he's got a tendency to say random shit and talk with his mouth full. He's also a technological genius and a reliable co-worker though. Chad also happens to be one of Jared's closest friends. Chad was there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. He stayed through some of Jared's worst moments while adjusting to life 'Post-Jensen' and Jared will forever be amazed at Chad's patience. 

Chad takes a swig of his lukewarm coffee.

"I said, don't you have a date with The Asshole tonight?"

Jared sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"First of all, don't call him that. Please. And second, it's not a date, Chad. We're going out to see a movie. As friends."

"I know someone who'd love to take you out to a movie as more than a friend. Don't you need a little nookie, Jay?" Chad winks.

"Chad, I'm not interested in To--"

Jared's mouth snaps shut as the newest employee of the Tech Team at Kripke and Co. walks into the break-room. Over six foot tall with startling blue eyes, Tom Welling is most definitely a catch. He's smart and funny and his biceps are drool-worthy.

Jared just can't see himself dating anyone. Not even Tom Welling, no matter how much Chad insists they'd be perfect for each other.

"Hey, Tom," Jared greets with a friendly smile.

Tom's eyes linger on Jared.

"Hey, Jay."

Chad waves.

"I'm right here. Hi."

Tom and Jared burst into laughter.

"I know when I'm not wanted," Chad whines as he grabs his coffee and goes to leave; he stops at the door and gives Jared a thumbs up and makes lascivious hand gestures when Tom's back is turned. When Jared shoos him away, he leaves, cackling.

"How've you been?" Tom inquires with a charming smile.

"I'm good," Jared replies.

"Good. That's good. So listen, Jared...I was wondering if you wanted to--," Tom starts, nervously toying with his coffee cup.

"Um--I--I gotta get back to work, man. Catch ya later?" Jared says over his shoulder as he leaves as quickly as he can without running from the room.

*

"Chad, did you tell Tom to ask me out?" Jared demands.

Chad's eyes widen in surprise.

"No? Why? Did he ask you out?" 

"I think he was about to!" Jared hisses.

"Why is that such a bad thing, Jay?"

Jared sighs. 

"Chad...you don't understand. I can't explain it."

"Try," Chad insists.

There's a pause as Jared takes a deep breath, searching for the right words.

"Even though Jensen hurt me...I still love him. I will always love him. I may not trust him but the butterflies are still there and I still remember the way things used to be. I've still got hope. The first time I met Jensen, I thought  _goddamn, this guy is the one,_ and a part of me still thinks that. I can't give up now. Because now he's back and he wants to try and--"

Chad holds his hand up.

"Okay, man. I get it. I'm sorry." He looks away, can't meet Jared's eyes. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

Jared coos and wraps his arms around Chad in a giant bear hug.

"Aw, Chad, you love me! You really love me!"

Chad scoffs and tries to escape Jared's wrath. 

"Get offa me," he grumbles but there's a small smile tugging at his lips.

Jared gives Chad a smacking kiss on the cheek before walking away, narrowly avoiding Chad's fist.

"Fucker," Chad mumbles, smiling.

*

"Tom, sorry," Chad says.

"What?" 

"Jared isn't on the market."

"But you said--" 

Chad cuts him off. 

"I know what I said, man. I'm sorry. It's complicated. Misha from Accounting is single, though."

Tom scrunches his nose.

Chad laughs, holding his stomach.

"Your face--priceless--oh my god," Chad bellows.

Tom sighs. 

"I really like Jared."

Chad shakes his head.

"All I can say is don't hold your breath, dude. Sorry."

*

Jared answers his cell phone as he's walking to his car.

"Hey," he grins.

_"Hey, Jare. How was your day?"_

"Slow. Not many computer problems today."

Jensen is quiet.

_"So uh. You still wanna catch that movie at 9?"_

"Yeah," he draws out the word.

 _"Maybewecouldgetdinner, too,"_ Jensen says in a rush.

Jared bites his lip to hide a smile.

"What was that?" he teases.

Jensen takes a deep breath.

_"Maybe we could get dinner, too. I know how much you like to eat. There's that Chinese place right near the theatre."_

Jensen's babbling and Jared feels butterflies in his stomach.

"Yeah. Sounds good."

 _"Great,"_ Jensen breathes.

"See you later, Jen."

_"See ya."_

Jared ends the call; he smiles the whole drive home.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to comment <3


	9. Kiss Me (Like You Wanna Be Loved)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie date. Things progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from the Ed Sheeran song

"That was so good!" Jared exclaims, waving his hands around as he gushes to Jensen how awesome the movie was.

Jensen grins.

"I know." He pauses. "I had such a good time tonight."

Jared blushes.

"Me too. It was--"

"Really good," Jensen finishes.

"Yeah," Jared breathes.

They're standing so close together they're almost pressed against each other and they can feel each other's body heat. 

"Jen," Jared murmurs.

They keep moving in closer; like two magnets drawn together.

Jared bites his lip and Jensen's eyes dart down to stare at the abused flesh, the cotton candy pink lips he dreams about.

Jensen licks his lips, head moving in closer.

Their eyes close and their lips finally meet.

The kiss is sweet, gentle and the world around them seems to just fade away.

Jensen savors the way Jared moans softly against his mouth.

He nips at Jared's bottom lip, then soothes the bite with his tongue.

After a few minutes of kissing, Jared reluctantly pulls away. His eyes are glazed and he keeps licking his lips. 

Jensen resists the urge to push him against a wall and continue.

"Too soon?" Jensen asks.

"I--I don't know."

"I don't want to push you, Jay."

"I know."

"You have to tell m--"

"I wanted it, okay," Jared admits.

"But?"

"But it's _complicated_."

There's a lengthy pause; they just stand and stare at each other.

"It's gonna take time and effort, Jen. I need to be able to trust you again if this can go anywhere. And..."

"And?"

"And can we just skip all of that for tonight? Can you just keep kissing me?"

Jensen blows out a breath.

"I can absolutely do that."

And he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not word-for-word or anything but some of the dialogue was sort of ~borrowed~ from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (anyone else ship Willow and Tara with the fire of a thousand suns??)
> 
> don't forget to comment <3


	10. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More kissing and a serious talk.   
> Things are slowly getting better and they're getting closer. *u*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this like 12 times. I hope you guys enjoy <3

"Just tonight," Jared moans. "You still have to--oooh--redeem yourself."

"Mmmm...okay," Jensen replies absently, mouth busy sucking on Jared's neck.

The drive back to Jared's apartment after the movies had been quick, with Jensen going way above the speed limit; Jared had asked if he wanted to come over and 'have coffee'. Jensen had never said yes to anything so fast.

"I mean it," he insists breathlessly.

"I know," Jensen agrees.

Their shirts are already in a pile on the floor; Jensen is trying to peel off Jared's jeans while continuing their kiss.

Jared breaks their kiss with an impatient little whine so he can take them off himself; he kicks them out of the way and then sits on the bed again. Jensen towers over him, drinking in the sight of Jared clad in only his boxers.

Jared leans forward to press open-mouthed kisses to Jensen's abs, fingers working to get Jensen out of his jeans. Jensen sighs contentedly as he runs his hands through Jared's hair.

"I love you," Jared murmurs against his skin, so quietly Jensen almost misses it.

Jensen squeezes his eyes closed, blinking back tears.

It's more than he ever could have hoped for.

It's more than he deserves.

He cups Jared's face in his hands, presses a kiss to his nose, his brow, his lips.

"I love you so much, Jared."

There's a stretch of silence.

"Please...don't leave again," Jared says, his big eyes staring up at Jensen.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

He's never been so sure of anything in his life.

A tear rolls down Jared's cheek and Jensen wipes it away with his thumb.

"Jen--are we going too fast--"

"Can I stay the night?" Jensen asks at the same time.

Jared looks up at him with wet eyes.

"You _really_ want to?" he wonders.

"Yeah, baby, I do." A pause, then he soothes Jared's nerves. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I just wanna hold you."

Jared bites his lip.

"Just--just sleep. This isn't--we shouldn't--" he babbles.

"Just sleep. I hate sleeping without you," Jensen admits, pressing a kiss to the top of Jared's head.

"Me, too," Jared agrees.

"Got a spare toothbrush?" Jensen asks with a small smile.

Jared nods.

Jensen holds his hand out; Jared takes it.

They walk to the bathroom in their boxers, fingers laced together.

*

"Come 'ere," Jensen holds his arm out so Jared can cuddle close.

"Don't hog the covers."

"Don't snore," Jensen retorts.

"I don't snore!" Jared squawks. 

"I love you."

Jensen feels him sigh sadly and knows he's going to dread whatever Jared's about to say.

"Did you love Chris?"

It's a soft whisper but it sounds like a gunshot in the silence of the dark room.

"No, I never did," Jensen answers honestly.

"Then why did you leave? I just--I don't understand. Things are good now...right? But they were good before, too. It feels like nothing has changed. We're the same. We're still--" Jared cuts himself off, frustrated that he can't find the words to explain all of his worries.

"You were never the problem, Jay. Never. It was never us. It was--I don't know--I guess you could call it a mid-life crisis. I was just bored and unhappy with other things in my life. I wanted a change. But then I got that change and I was even more unhappy because I'd left behind my best friend."

"What did you like about Chris?" Jared asks, ever the masochist.

Jensen takes a deep breath.

"Chris was really into music. It seemed like we had a lot in common and I liked talking to him. He was...he had all these big dreams and it made me think about all of the things I used to want."

"Like being a musician," Jared says.

"Yeah."

"Then why did you leave LA if you want that? You could--"

"I don't want that. Not really. But I was so unhappy with my job. I want to teach. I don't want to be stuck in some boring office job like before. I can't go back to that. But I don't belong in LA. I hated it there."

Jared laughs.

"I'm serious. I didn't fit in at all. I don't ever wanna leave Texas again, honestly."

"You should stay in Texas forever," Jared agrees, snuggling closer and breathing in the spicy scent of Jensen's cologne.

"I really should."

There's a pause.

"You're gonna be a great teacher."

"Thanks, Jay."

Jared presses a loving kiss to his chest.

"Everything will work out. You'll see."

Jensen believes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are so appreciated <33


	11. Looking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up for Jensen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super short but I wanted to give Jensen some personal progress and do a cute lil J2 scene because they're ~friends~

"You've got quite the list of recommendations, Mr. Ackles," Jeffrey Dean Morgan says, impressed.

"I did quite a few T.A. positions in college and my professors were really great to work with," Jensen says modestly.

"Well, they certainly seemed to like you. Plus you've got all the qualifications and your resume is good. I think you'd make a good asset to our school."

Jensen holds his breath, fingers crossed in his lap.

"When can you start?" J.D. Morgan asks with a bright smile.

*

"I got the job. I start Monday." Jensen says into the phone.

_"Jen, that's great! What did I tell you?"_

"You said I was a kick-ass motherfucker with a lot to offer," Jensen laughs, remembering the night he'd found out about his job interview. Jared had opened a bottle of wine in celebration and they'd passed out on the couch, trading lazy, wet kisses.

_"Shut up," Jared grumbles. "I was tipsy, okay?"_

"I know. You're a funny drunk, Padalecki."

_"I'm funny when I'm sober, too," Jared says._

Jensen can almost hear him pouting over the phone.

"Keep telling yourself that."

_"You wound me, Ackles."_

Jensen curses as his phone beeps loudly, signalling a low battery.

"Fuck, I gotta go, Jay; my phone's dyin'."

_"'Kay. Bye, Jen...and congratulations. I'm happy for you," he says the last part more quietly, almost shy._

"Thank you, Jay. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

_"Okay."_

*

Donna Ackles stands on her front porch, hands on her hips, scowling.

"You need to leave. You're not welcome here," she snarls at the man in the cowboy hat.

"Ma'am, I just wanna see Jensen. We've got some unfinished business."

"Oh no, you don't!" 

"With all due respect, this is between me an' him."

"That's _my_ son," she hisses. "And this is _my_ home."

A car pulls in the driveway.

Jensen gets out and approaches quickly, green eyes wide in disbelief. 

"Chris?" 

"Hey, Jensen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the cliffhanger /hides


	12. Don't Ruin It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen gets rid of Chris. More j2 cuteness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have a thing for writing drunk!jared <3

"Chris, what the fuck are you doing here?" Jensen asks.

"Can we uh--can we talk in private?" 

Chris punctuates his statement by glaring at Donna.

She's standing with her hands on her hips, eyes shooting daggers at Chris.

"Mom," Jensen says. "Can you give us a minute?"

Donna glares at Chris one last time and gives Jensen a disbelieving look before marching into the house. 

The door slams shut behind her.

"What the fuck, Chris?"

"I'm sorry. I just--I really need your help, Jensen," Chris says. "I need some money."

Jensen looks at him like he's grown three heads. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"Please--"

"No, Chris."

"You left me high and dry! How the fuck am I supposed to pay the rent and the bills on my own?" 

"Oh, I don't know. You could start by getting a job, maybe?" Jensen deadpans.

"I could sue you! For rent and utilities and shit!" Chris threatens.

Jensen laughs. The lease was up, Jensen was free to go his own way. Plus, he was the one who supported them, who made sure the rent and bills were paid on time. They both know it, too. Chris has no case against him. 

"Okay. You do that."

"I--"

"Get out of here, Chris. And don't fucking come back."

Jensen's voice is deadly serious, fists clenched.

Chris eyes widen before he walks to his truck, slams the door and drives away without a word. 

*

Jensen is bombarded with questions the moment he walks through the door.

"What did he want, Jensen? What's going on?"

"It's nothing, Mom," Jensen assures her.

She gives him a wary look.

"He's gone and he's not coming back. Don't worry."

"He'd better not. Things are going so well for you, Jensen. I don't want anything to ruin that."

"Me neither."

*

He's about to fall asleep but reaches for his vibrating phone on the nightstand; his heart speeds up when he sees a new text from Jared.

_'Tacos are beter than buritsos imo'_

Jensen laughs, hurrying to reply.

_'Lay off the wine, you've got work tmrw.'_

He sends another right after.

_'But yeah, tacos > everything'_

_'buy me tacos and I'll love u for a rly long time'_

_'you're easy'_

_'only fr you'_

Jensen falls asleep with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my day, you guys <333


	13. Tacos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Jared talk. Tacos make an appearance as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dumb chapter title is dumb

Jared is about to take a bite of his taco when Jensen starts speaking.

"So, Chris came by the other day..."

Jared's eyes dart up to meet Jensen's. He's still got his mouth open and he's holding his taco so tightly that meat starts spilling out of the bottom.

"He just wanted me to give him money...nothing happened. I'm pretty sure he's gone for good now but I just thought you should know," Jensen babbles nervously.

Jared sets his taco down; his hands are trembling.

"Thanks. I--um. It's good that you told me."

"Better you hear about it from me rather than my mom," Jensen tries to joke.

It falls flat.

Jared's still got this look on his face, the way he gets when he's about to go on a roller-coaster. He looks terrified.

"Jare--"

Jensen tries to meet Jared's eyes but Jared is diligently avoiding eye contact.

"Are you gonna say something?" Jensen presses.

"What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry I'm not happy about your ex coming back around. I'm sorry that I hate this whole fucked up situation. I'm trying, Jensen. It's just really fucking hard, okay?"

Jensen swallows; nods. 

"Sorry," he murmurs. 

Jared rubs his temples. 

"No, I'm sorry. This is just--is that all he wanted? Money?" 

"Yeah." 

Jared nods, chewing on his lip. 

"Okay. That's--okay."

"Jay..."

Jared squeezes his eyes closed. 

"Hmm?" 

"Even if he had come back for--for something other than money. It wouldn't have mattered. I'd still be right here. With you."

Jared's eyes fly open and he stares at Jensen incredulously.

Jensen smiles, then digs into his taco.

Jared smiles back and picks his taco up as well.

There's a few minutes of comfortable silence as they eat, but soon enough they're poking fun at each other and Jared is throwing his balled up napkin at Jensen in retaliation.

The sound of their laughter echoes around the small apartment; it fills Jensen with hope.

They're going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to comment <3


	14. Cause You are the Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something happens that changes things for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from Ed Sheeran's song One, I was listening to that while writing and thought it actually fit very nicely <3

Donna sighs sadly.

Jensen looks up from the stack of papers he's grading. 

"What's up, mom?"

"Jared is kicking my butt. Like always."

Jensen chuckles.

"Words with Friends?"

She nods, intensely focused on her iPhone.

"I swear he just gets better every day," she mutters.

Jensen tries and fails to wipe the fond look off his face.

*

"Jen, you've gotta try this!" Jared moans around a mouthful of ice cream. He scoops up another spoonful of the delicious dessert and holds it up to Jensen's mouth.

Jensen lets Jared feed it to him.

"It's really good," he says once he swallows.

Jared's already devouring another bite. "God," he groans, "I know."

Jensen gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing with the motion, and he leans forward.

"You've got a little," the pad of his finger gently swipes over Jared's bottom lip, where a milky drop of vanilla-bean ice cream had been. Jensen slowly retreats and watches as Jared licks his lips.

"Thanks," he murmurs.

"No problem, Jay," Jensen replies.

He's pretty sure there are actually cartoon hearts in his eyes but he's too happy to hide it.

*

"Dude, this place is packed. Tell me again why we didn't just stay in and watch reality TV?" Jared whines as they make their way to the bar.

Jensen orders two beers once the bartender is in earshot, then turns to where Jared is sitting next to him. 

"You do realize this was _your_ idea, right, Jay?"

Jared nods, pouting. 

Jensen nudges him playfully. 

"I promise the night won't be too horrible," he laughs.

Jared tries to glare at him but ends up smiling.

"Okay."

*

"Gotta take a leak," Jared slurs. He's had three beers (lightweight) while Jensen's been sipping his second one for the past hour since he's the designated driver.

"I'll be here," Jensen grins, waving him off; he watches him go, making sure he doesn't trip and fall.

One of his favorite songs come on and he drums his fingers against his thigh, waiting for Jared to come back.

*

Jared stumbles through the crowd of dancing people, making his way to the bar where Jensen is.

His heart stops and he feels like he's swallowed rocks when he sees a cute blonde twink in his seat, too close to Jensen for his comfort.

He shakes his head, his mind a mess;  _stupidstupidstupid._

As he gets nearer, he hears bits and pieces of the conversation.

"--not interested--sorry."

"Just bein' friendly, babe--" and Jared sees the guy's hand on Jensen's arm, feeling up his bicep.

His breath catches in his throat when he sees Jensen shrug away from the strangers touch.

"Go be friendly with someone else. I'm not interested, alright?"

The stranger says something that Jared can't hear but he doesn't move, rooted to this spot on the floor as he watches the scene unfold.

"No, I don't," Jensen snarls. "I'm sort of seriously in love with someone so kindly fuck off."

Jared melts into a puddle of goo. His heart is beating wildly in his chest and his limbs have turned to jell-o and he doesn't recall moving his feet but then he's standing next to Jensen and the drunk twink so he must have somehow remembered how to walk.

"Jensen," Jared says.

"Jare..."

Jared lunges forward, their lips meeting in a clumsy kiss, teeth clicking. It doesn't take long til they get it just right, licking into each other's mouths and their hands roaming anywhere they can reach. 

They break apart too soon, breathing heavily and staring at each other in wonder. 

Jensen's admirer is long gone and even if he wasn't, they wouldn't notice.

"W-what was that for?" Jensen pants.

Jared laughs, long and loud.

"You didn't want him." 

It's sounds so simple but it means everything. 

Now Jensen laughs.

"I want you," Jensen says. "I only want you. I always want you."

Jared blinks back his tears; holds out his hand.

Jensen takes it.

"Let's go home, Jen."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me smile <3


	15. Wake Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from Ed Sheeran's song.

Jared wakes up slowly, rubbing at his eyes like a sleepy five year old and letting out a big yawn as he stretches those impossibly long legs.

Jensen is leaning on his elbow, just staring in wonder.

"You watchin' me sleep?" Jared murmurs when he sees Jensen. "Cause that's kinda creepy, Jen." He's smiling though, eyes only half open as he tries to adjust to the harsh sunlight pouring in through the open blinds.

Jensen laughs and leans down for a kiss.

Jared bats at his chest. 

"Morning breath!" he whines.

Jensen brushes their lips together anyways.

"Don't care. Love you." 

"You're so articulate in the morning," Jared chortles, leaning in for another kiss.

"I love you. Last night was--"

" _Amazing_ ," Jared finishes.

"Yeah."

*

Jared's feet are in Jensen's lap as they eat cereal on the couch and watch the morning news.

Jared sighs, turning his big puppy eyes on.  

"Can we change it? Keeping up with the Kardashians is on."

"I guess anything would be better than hearing about another murder or robbery, " Jensen replies, relinquishing the remote to his adorable boyfriend.

Jared lets out a joyful little yelp and sets his empty bowl down on the coffee table. Jensen does the same, then stretches an arm out, inviting Jared to cuddle.

He accepts, leaning in for a kiss.

"You taste like Apple Jacks," Jared whispers against Jensen's lips.

"Is that good or bad?" 

"It's perfect."

Jared kisses him once more before settling in to Jensen's side to watch Kim cry about her lost earring.

*

"You can stay the night again...if you want."

Jensen smiles.

"I'd like that."

Showering and brushing their teeth and then settling into bed together feels normal. 

It feels right.

It feels like home.

*

Jared's almost asleep when he feels warm lips pressed to his forehead.

"J'n?" 

"Shhh," Jensen soothes. "Go to sleep."

"Was tryin'," he mumbles. 

Jensen sighs. 

"I love you, Jay. So much. God, I don't know how you can look at me sometimes. What I did--I don't deserve--"

Jared forces his eyes open to look at Jensen.

He meets watery green eyes.

"Jens'n," Jared mumbles. "I love you." He pauses to give Jensen a chaste kiss. "It's okay. I--I forgive you."

Jensen sobs.

"How can you? After everything that--"

Jared presses a finger to Jensen's lips.

"Do you love me?"

Jensen nods.

"Do you want to stay?"

Another nod.

Jared kisses him.

"There's your answer. You came back. You've been--I don't know. I can't explain it. I just know that I love you. I _trust_ you. That's enough for me."

"You're so perfect. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

Jared smiles.

"I'm not perfect...now go to sleep."

Jensen watches quietly as Jared's eyes fall shut and his breathing evens out.

"You're perfect to me," he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me smile <33333


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue (beware of the ridiculously happy ending)

It's been a month.

They make their relationship Facebook official.

*

It's been three months.

"So, have you found a place yet?" Jared asks.

"No," Jensen sighs. He's been hoping...

"Maybe you could move back here...if you want to," Jared offers shyly.

Jensen's breath catches in his throat.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...I mean, you're here most of the time anyways. And I miss you. I've missed you so much. I don't want to miss you anymore. I--I really want you to come home."

Jensen leans in for a long kiss.

"I'd love to, Jay."

The smile on Jared's face is brighter than the sun.

*

It's been eight months. 

Eight months of domestic bliss. Grocery shopping on Saturday mornings and cooking dinner together and cuddling on the couch and even doing the dishes together. 

Jared's been leaving brochures for future pet owners, books about the best pet for your personality type, and catalogs filled with animal supplies around the house. It's not subtle at all and Jensen doesn't say a word about it.

But one Saturday, Jensen surprises Jared when he bypasses the grocery store and drives them to the local animal shelter.

Jared showers Jensen with kisses before they go in to look at the cute creatures.

Jared immediately falls in love with a fat, orange tabby cat who was found all alone on a highway, most likely abandoned.

Jensen was defenseless against two sets of doe eyes begging him to say yes.

They name her Ella.

She spends way too much time on Jared's lap, purring loudly as he pets her and Donna buys her too many toys to count but Jensen wouldn't have it any other way.

This is his family; this is his life.

It hits him suddenly, with Jared cuddled up to one side and Ella on the other, that no matter what detours he took along the way, he was always meant to end up right here.

And he's never been happier.

*

It's been two years.

Jensen is reading through his new messages and comments on his newest Facebook picture.

He smiles as he reads through all of the obligatory "Congrats" and "Aw, you guys!!!1" from their friends and family.

'Just married the love of my life', the caption says while the picture shows Jared and Jensen in their tuxes, out on the dance floor, eyes closed and noses pressed together in an Eskimo kiss.

It was taken by Donna at the wedding reception unbeknownst to everyone and Jared had promptly melted when she'd surprised them with a framed copy.

Jensen jumps a bit when he feels Jared's arms snake around his waist from behind but sighs happily when he feels lips press against his temple.

"Hey, Mr. Ackles," Jensen says, turning his head towards Jared for a kiss.

"I love the way that sounds," Jared murmurs.

Jensen hums in agreement.

"Well that's good because I love saying it."

*

It's been four years.

They filled out the adoption papers with shaking hands and bright smiles months ago. 

Babies 'R Us is bookmarked on Jared's laptop and they scroll through pages and pages of baby clothes and toys and other necessities, cooing over their favorites and adding it to their virtual shopping cart.

When they get the phone call that they've been approved, Jensen has to wipe away Jared's happy tears.

*

Holding their newborn son feels like waking up on Christmas morning.

*

This is forever.

They were always meant to end up right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know that much about adoption, forgive me for any errors, I was kinda vague about it tbh.
> 
> Omg I can't believe it's done. I started this as just an angsty little one shot and now here we are...I hope you guys enjoyed. Don't forget to leave one last comment to let me know what you think and thanks for reading <33

**Author's Note:**

> comments make me smile <3


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